motherhood

heavy title, huh?
i love being a mother.  i really, really, really do.
i was in the car this weekend with my mother in law, the kids were so stinking wound up it was nuts.  we had taken them to a movie and then to get pizza with a coupon anne had for a reading incentive.
adam was out of town this past weekend, so i was solo.
no big deal.  we have two kids. it's not too terribly hard.
UNTIL THEY TURN AGAINST YOU.
something went amiss.  i don't know what.
maybe i let my guard down. maybe they sensed my vulnerability.
who knows. but it was clear.
i.was.screwed.  (pardon  my bluntness...)
as i said in a prior post, this week we had 2 snowdays.
i spent one day in bed, with a rotten tooth.
went to work 2 days.
got 2 root canals, have i mentioned that before? quite traumatizing...
woo hoo.  a wild week, huh?
it was most unproductive.
nothing can get under my skin more.
point of this rant...
sometimes it's hard. motherhood is.
everything you do is wrong.
the surprise you had planned when you pick up your first grader, not appreciated.
the movie you rented from the dollar rental box, they don't like.
the fact that they have to come home with you and not go to their maw-maw's because you didn't have to work due to weather, a disappointment.
it can totally get to a gal, can't it?
i found myself in the past 36 hours really beating myself up.
wondering what i could have done to make this a more 'memorable weekend....'
the answer is.....NOTHING.
it's hard. it's unpredictable, it can be unrewarding, overwhelming, and psychotic at any given point in a 1 hour period....
it's even harder when you hear someone say
'i just don't know how you do it....'

I DON'T KNOW EITHER!

then i read this
i have never read this blog before and i ran across a link on a facebook post.   it laid it out, plain and simple.
she said what i have been thinking.  i even cried.  that's how much it rang true in my head.
as a mom, you want to make sure that you don't miss a thing, write everything down, be accountable for every holiday, birthday bash, fart that is made...
if you don't...you will have to answer to those ladies who say

DON"T WISH THESE DAYS AWAY...THEY WILL BE THE BEST YEARS OF YOUR LIFE!

i get nervous, sweaty, panicked.
anne is turning SEVEN.
WHAT HAVE I MISSED?
WHAT DID I NOT WRITE DOWN, TAKE A PICTURE OF, REMEMBER FOR A STORY MUCH LATER IN LIFE...
while i don't wish the days away...sometimes i am just happy i made it.
~chat soon!

Sharp As Tacks...

So tonight was any random Thursday…and then this…
I was working on a project for a little friend of Anne and Kate’s. Minding my own business.
The girls were occupied.
Adam was hanging out.
We were chatting.
Out of nowhere, Anne comes flying around the corner…very upset.
Here is how it panned out…

A-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
M-Sewing…
A-YOU KNOW WHAT? I’M TIRED OF THIS. YOU SEW 100 DRESSES FOR EVERYONE AND NEVER ONE FOR ME
M-That isn’t true
A-WHY CAN’T YOU MAKE ME ANYTHING??????
M-I make you things all the time
A-I’M SO TIRED OF ALL OF THE SEWING

All the while Anne looks extremely mean. She has this ability to screw with her eye brows. They look as if there is thread pulled through them and someone is yanking them up at very odd angles.
Her tongue was sharp…as if edged in tacks.
Terrible to endure.
Adam turned his back to us, he said he ‘felt sorry’ for me.
I think he was either a)afraid of her turning on him, or b) fighting tears himself.

My eyes for some reason produced LARGE HOT TEARS.
Totally unexpected.
Tears that you get when your mother is so mad she is speechless…you know that look that they give, half laid with guilt the other half anger…ew…just an ugly combo. She then softened her look and said…
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU MADE ME CRY TOO and sobbed into a huge puddle on my lap…Eventually she calmed down, and happily went ‘shopping’ in the book order her teacher sent home with her today…
I have made approximately FOUR DRESSES in about 5 months time.
REALLY? What the….
She had me up against a wall. Her look, her tone, everything screamed prepubescent. PLUS it had a side dish of my personality...which when pressed, can be feisty. I don’t put up with a lot junk. And if crossed one too many times, I will eventually CRACK. Apparently, she has inherited that trait of mine!
So if anyone was thinking that we sit around every night singing nursery rhymes and playing bored games…FORGET IT!
I’m hoping a good night’s sleep will cure all tacky-tongues!
Luckily, the wounds are only flesh deep, nothing a glass of wine can’t cure. Now I’m stewing of what is to come, say 10 years from now…
~Chat soon!

rocket science?

Because of my occupation, I see some strange stuff. I really do. I see things that people would flip over, if I told them about. It's not necessarily bad, just at times unbelievable.

Today for instance, I had a deep conversation with a parent who is struggling with her daughters behavior. She was really groping for help. Searching for reasons and answers. Not sure what she was doing right or wrong. It was disheartening to say the least...

It brought to light that many parents/families really.don't.get.it.

Parenting is an overwhelming job, task, duty. But simple all in the same breath. In my opinion you don't need to drown your kiddos in every latest fad, or technology based hand held, make them quiet all the time game. Again, in my humble opinion, YOU MUST DROWN THEM WITH love, affection, emotional stability, routines, and did I mention love? It takes just a few minutes, a hug, a quick game, eye contact, a giggle, including in a wierdo task like making fruit kabobs, simply acknowledging that, that little munckin is important to you... to show them the respect that we as parents so often demand. It is a mutual thing, right folks?

I was saddened by the conversation with the parent, but also somewhat comforted thinking that my chicks are in good hands, most days. I'm not perfect, Adam isn't perfect, we lose our patience, and may very well not give 100%, 100% of the time.

Today I focus on the moments that make my heart swell as a momma and make my kids smile ear to ear, or just purr with satisfaction like little kittens.

After all that, I was reassured that I love my job-both of them, as a teacher and a mom!

~Chat soon!