not good.

so that is how i am.
not good.
nothing to worry about.
just a little wobbly. emotionally.
it's back to school time.
it sends me into a tail spin.
this year i am teaching 2nd grade instead of 3rd.
i am happy for the change.
i like change.
but now i am nervous.
and wondering if i made the right change.
i know i can do it.
but it is different.  unchartered waters. scary.
the team i will be with is great.
i have known them for forever.
they are friendly, helpful, it will be fine.
but they don't really 'know' me.
like my old chicks did.
tuesday i had a workshop i signed up for.
no big deal.  just a little refresher on a unique reading program that our district does.
i flitted into the room like i owned the place.
after teaching in the same district, same grade almost 15 years, it's a given, i usually know people.
i didn't know a soul.
not one.
i got queasy.
room got fuzzy.
i sat down and started sucking on my diet coke.
i realized i had a lump in my throat.
what the WHAT?!  SARA get it TOGETHER.
you are 30+ years old.  you aren't afraid.
GET IT TOGETHER.
so i did the only thing i could think of....
i grabbed my cell phone and pretended it was one of those fancy smart phones...
and played with the screen.
mine is not fancy.
not one bit.
but it sucked me out of reality for a couple minutes.
i made it.
until lunch.
when everyone started leaving to be with their 'friends' or at least fellow lunch-ees.
i went to d.q.
and ate in my car.
alone.
it sucked.
more then anything.
but i lived.
i went back, and found out the workshop would be shortened.
i listened some more.
and then was dismissed.
i came home and sat on my bed and cried.
a cleansing cry.
and then laughed.
a cleansing laugh.
at myself.  for being a dork.
for being nervous.
for being....well...me.
it's teaching me quickly that while change is good, it's hard.
i'm really not changing all that much. my good girls will be at school like always.
the ones that know my looks, they are still there.
i just have new people that will learn my looks.
enough babble.
i just haven't been blogging much.
lots of stuff to do and this gets pushed to the back burner.
tomorrow is open house at anne's school. gulp.
better get the disinfecting wipes...i feel a little barf coming!

~chat soon!