spillin' it....

so if you know me.  you know that i have type 1 diabetes. 
i have had it since i have been 7.
that is a long time...mom and i did the math last night, and i can't (or don't want to) remember the exact years.
it's a lot of years.
if you suffer from any sort of long term, chronic, life long diagnosis...you know it comes with, words, stereotypes, flat out stuff you don't really want, or need to hear.
and i'm okay with that.  i have these weird little ear plugs that go in when i hear stuff.... but sometimes the plugs don't work right, i forget to put them in, or frankly, maybe my life needs a kick in the pants....
last week i went to my endocrinologist. (~aka diabetic doc). i see a nurse practitioner.  she is from heaven.
her name is marykay.  we were going down memory lane thinking that i have been under her watchful eye since i was in college. (ugh, a long time.) she has gone through a marriage, two houses, two children, many a thing....she gets me (and my dad, he sees her too).  i can be very honest with her.
last week, i had to see her.
i hadn't seen her in almost a year. 
things got away from me, my insurance changed, it just wasn't easy.
i wasn't doing what i should.  i didn't want to be given the 'what for' (which she wouldn't) for it. (i give it to myself)
i went. i took the girls. i curled my hair, i wore a nice shirt....all hoping to deviate from the fact that i was NOT the poster diabetic child.
she took it all in stride of course.  said, she knew how it is to be a momma, but if momma doesn't take care of herself, what happens....
i said i needed to come back in 4 weeks, we would chat again, she would be pleased.
she ordered labs for me.
gulp.
i hate the workup of blood....
i had it done.
i waited.  it doesn't take long.
i didn't hear.
i worried.  i thought for sure they didn't want to ruin my weekend.
then they didn't want to ruin the 4th of july.
still nothing.
today, when i was putting the girls down for a nap....my phone was buzzing.
i couldn't answer it.  i knew I KNEW it was going to be when i heard....'you know, you are a diabetic for 25+ years....and this is a side effect....)
but guess what I DiDN'T!
my labs are fine.  my average blood sugar is a smudge higher then what is acceptable...but that's okay, my kidneys are thumping away, blood is good, liver is clean, cholesterol is obscenely good (as she put it).
adam came home and i told him i was good.
he looked at me kind of dumbfounded because i was teary about it....
he said 'you need to tell me when you worry....'
i talked to my momma until 12:15am this morning and we babbled about my worry and how she understood, and how it would be okay...but it doesn't matter.  you can't convince a crazy lady that everything is okay...
you just can't.
but is IS!  i'm good!  healthy as a horse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i thank GOD for that.  i try my best, but no matter how good your best is....the road is bumpy and hard.  He guides me down the path....and continues his watchful eye and guarding hand on me (even if it is 28 years....).
 ~chat soon!